kismet_loop | AUDIO POST

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AUDIO POST

Hey! Excuse me! Anyone on this line?

[This voice sounds... like you are talking to Guyman himself. Musical and modulated, and kind of sort of loud]

Since when did Cybertron have grass? Or... y'know still be here? The fact that it's still... I mean that it's not... y'know really... dead and stuff is sort of-

NO REALLY WHY IS THERE GRASS HERE?

[He sounds pretty disturbed by this]

Not that grass is bad! I like grass, it was great on earth, if... y'know anyone here has been there at all, but like- Is that a farm? ... There's a tiny farm he- Did anyone see the tiny farm? Oh my god, I have to get a picture of this no wait, hold on.

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Involved. [Sam smooths a hand over her hair, aware it wasn't a very helpful answer.] You take a page out of an epistolary novel that's had every noun and verb blacked out, and you use a feather from a rooster which can't crow to write to whoever on it with lemon juice. Whoever you're addressing it to, you have to use whatever that person was first introduced to you as---might not even be their real name, doesn't matter.

Once you've got the paper addressed, you have to wet it with seawater, sweat, or tears to the point it's soggy enough to hold an impression, and stamp your message into it. The way I learned, a person used scrabble tiles; I've been using wood blocks, since I never found a scrabble set. You have to finish before the paper dries, and then shove it into a bottle, and stop the bottle up with cork. You then have to coat the entire bottle in wax, preferably white, and carve a sign [she gestures; it's a circle, with a line across the middle] in the wax over the cork.

After all that, you've got to chuck it into a river and watch it until it's out of sight. The next time your addressee goes to take up a blank piece of paper, or turns to a blank page, or opens a word processing document, or goes to compose an email or text? The message is there, until the book is closed or the window minimized.

[Like she said; involved. But, for a ritual as useful as the bottled message ritual can be... well worth it.]

Sounds busy.

... Oh so uh... human... magic. Kinda like in a video game. Only less shooty fireballs and more uh... writing and waiting.

It is. I always had something to do and uh... now I have.... nothing... to do...

...

..

.

whatamigonnadoohmygod-

That's ritual magic for you, though; a lot of it's waiting. And whoa, whoa, whoa!

[Sam holds up her hands again, this time in the universal sign of slow down/hold up/stop there/calm yo' shit.]

First thing you're gonna do; calm down. There'll be stuff. Stuff like library research, exploring, talking to people to learn about the different realities, getting yourself settled in, projects like the drone mods and whatever you cook up with Wheeljack and Hiro...

Oh maaaan I can't handle not having something to do!

[OKAY NO CALM DOWN. SHE'S RIGHT. He'll have the drone modding and library research to do. That's... that's two things right? And exploring, he can go take pictures of everything. Get information on different realities. Relax, calm down!]

Okay no I'm calm, I'm totally calm, no big deal. I can just do like... two things... At a time. Or one thing. And y'know just really concentrate on it.

Edited 2015-06-09 03:05 (UTC)

[That poker face is... unconvincing. How---when Soundwave is without a face in the first place---is a mystery, but Sam still sighs and steps forward to pat at the spindly bot's leg (since there's only so much she can reach).]

You'll find more things to do as you meet more people and learn more about the things happening here. The Miasma spits up some weird stuff; just dealing with that will take up time.

[Soundwave is the worst at this game]

But that doesn't happen all the time just like... sometimes and there's no internet here and no netflix and I had over three hundred thousand followers on Tumblr and-

[WEH MY PROBLEMS]

I'm gonna invent the internet on Cybertron.

[This---all of this---gives Sam pause.]

God, I've missed Netflix so much.

But; really?

I know... I was almost done with watching all of Breaking Bad...

Yeah. Like, I really liked it on earth, so... I'm gonna make it here. Why not?

Brings me to another point! You look like you'd be from Breakdown's Cybertron, so I've got to ask; was it what, around 2012 when you were on Earth?

No reason why not. I don't have a ton of MP3s, but you're welcome to all the music and the one video I had on my phone when I arrived, if y'want to upload it when there's an internet to upload it to.

Yeah around that time or so... I was on a mission to collect more information from a factory, supposedly about to be attacked by Autobots. It was starting to get pretty nasty in there.

Oh man, I totally have a huge library of information. Just... like... Oh man, I must've spent over a thousand dollars so far in itunes for less than half of what I have.

I'm sorry to hear that... but I'm glad you kind of? got out, and glad to hear you're from around my time. Five of us---I think?---from the 20-teens isn't bad at all.

Kind of envious. I've always been too broke for anything but illegal downloads.

Well I'm out now, that's all that matters, right? I'm sure things will work out.

Haha, I just kinda make money by doing music remixes under an assumed name and selling them. Y'know just kinda spending money. I do fractal art too, that's easy. Just math, only like... visual!

Right. Break from the war, best to make the most of it, yeah?

[Sam crosses her arms.]

Still kind of envious. I grant that a chunk of my money went to new tattoos, but I took two jobs to be able to do that. And I've got to admit, I'd like to see some of your fractal stuff.

Sure! No problem, I'd love to show it to you. They're pretty cool, it's really funny to see humans try to attach meaning to them.

'Unveiled today, and entitled Shopping Spree...'

[Yeah, no, Sam's going to snort a little laughter.]

I'm sorry, but. There's this quote to the effect that no-one hears more ridiculous opinions than a painting in a gallery. I used to work in one, before all this, so I've heard more than my fair share---especially where art interpretation's involved.

It's great to just throw one out there, and I'll get some human old guy trying to pick it apart.

'Well clearly the artist is communicating his deep, emotional feelings about his trouble with the world, the uses of red and white in it convey his deep patriotic spirit-

Or dude, maybe I just totally wanted to make a bird out of numbers.

[Now she's just laughing.]

I'm just saying! It's just a number bird! Y'know I bet when Picasso made all his lumpy cubist people he wasn't thinking about the meaning, he just wanted to draw a human woman with her boobs on the same side.

Soundwave---[she pulls it together with an act of will!]

Soundwave, please. You've got to promise me that if the man himself ever shows up here---which isn't impossible, just really, really unlikely---you'll ask about that.

Yeah sure, I can do that. He'll probably agree with me.

You're a sport.

I know.

Okay so... alright let's go to the library and get some stuff done, then we can swing by the warehouse and pick up supplies to start modding my drone.

Sounds like a plan. We could stop in to see Wheeljack, too, because his workshop isn't far from the Warehouse.

Sure! Awesome, I can't wait to meet him.

Maybe we should go do that first, then. It'll give me a place to ditch the stree'doo for a little bit, and Wheeljack might be able to supply you with some of the stuff you'll want for drone mods. If he can, we won't have to spend as much time in the Warehouse, and so having to deal with Dirge will be a little less likely.

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