kismet_loop | [Video] Arms Race

[Dirge seems to be holding the drone like a selfie cam, even though its perfectly capable of floating at any angle on its own. He seems to be too excited to remember that.]

Today is a very good day. I knew following the light colors would lead me to something shiny.

[He turns the drone to the left revealing what looks like an honest to goodness pot o' gold.]

Yes, it is gold. And yes, its all mine. I've heard humans place high value on this particular ore. I can understand why- not only is it very pretty, but it tastes great. [Yup, he's been eating it. Maybe that's why his tongue is all sparkly?]

The gold isn't the only thing I found though... [Dirge's grin grows wide as he finally lets go of the drone, allowing it to float back a bit.]

There was also a strange little organic. Smaller than adult humans. Spoke funny. I was going to keep him but he offered me something if I let him go.

[Dirge lifts his arms in a shrugging motion and two more unfold from behind his back. He seems incredibly pleased with them.]

A wish! I've always thought having more arms would make everything easier- grab twice the stuff, put things away twice as fast, hold two times more things at once. Not to mention, two times the claws.

[He flexes them all to demonstrate-- twenty wicked teal knives are nothing to sneer at.]

Time to try these out in the warehouse~

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How...that...digestion? Is that a thing? For you?

Oh, yes. It would be difficult if everything I ate just...hung around in there.

[He'd probably end up using it for storage.]

First the Sam Witch assumes I do not have the ability to taste, and now you wonder if I can digest my food?

Why do humans think they are the only ones who eat? [Granted, his diet is....a little different from other cybertronians.]

Well, you are made of metal, dude--

[Waaaait, back up and freeze.] Did you say there's a witch here?

So? [Frown.] I may not have squishy insides, but they work just fine.

I did! And she's already threatened to put a nasty hex on me!

Like...a metallic esophagus?

Oh jeez....wait, is it that girl with the tattoos?

[Esophawhat?] I'm...not exactly sure what that is. [Do humans have something he doesn't?]

...Or that. Is a tattoo also part of the human digestive system?

[Fortunately Hiro's entire ~~character arc~~ life is explaining human-y things to robotic individuals. So he's very patient as he explains.]

It's your throat. It starts breaking down food. And no, a "tattoo" is a...permanent picture on skin.

What, really? Of course I have a throat! [He jabs a sharp talon at his neck.] How else would I swallow anything?

Ah! Yes, the Sam Witch does have an interesting pattern on her skin, she claims it may grow with time.

Does it...exude mucus? [These are very intimate things and he doesn't even know your name.]

Well, uh, logically that's...kind of not possible...I mean, not without help. It doesn't grow like a plant.

[How many weird organic words are you going to pull on him, little guy?] If what you mean is... 'fluid'.... then, yes.

[Maybe he should go see if there is a human medical dictionary in the warehouse somewhere. It seems like it might be essential in talking to this one in particular.]

It's called lubricant. [He'll even demonstrate by sticking his rather long blue tongue out for you.]

And she is a witch- how am I supposed to know what she can and cannot do with her skin?

[You think he won't start up a human anatomy class, but he totally will.]

...oh, sick, that's awesome! [You have earned his respect, even after literally eating gold~]

Uhhh, I don't think she's a witch... [Cause if she is, Hiro's broken some cardinal fairy-tale rules by moving in with her.]

[He reels it back in, jaws shutting with a clack.] I'm rather fond of it. I've had to have it replaced a few times and this one is definitely my favorite version.

What, she hasn't threatened to put a spell on you yet? Lucky. Ask her about it. Tell her Dirge is very interested to know if she's suddenly lost her powers~

[That is both awesome and terrifying. He's like a chameleon with a retractable tongue.] Were the other ones that...slimy?

Well, I'm living with her right now so...maybe she's biding her time? [Great, because he didn't have ENOUGH to worry about...]

Why wouldn't they be? I didn't have my lubricant ducts removed. [Huff.]

Hm...That sounds just like her. [He crosses his arms and nods.] Just don't make her angry or one day you may wake up unable to taste anything.

[Reverently:] That's so gross.

...did she curse you? Is that why you're so sensitive?

[Beam] I am very gross.

She threatened to! That's why I can't kill anyone. Not why I'm sensitive.

I have a lot of respect for that.

...well if I avoid trying to kill anyone I should logically be fine, then.

Respect is apparently a valuable thing to collect.

[He taps his chin with a claw, mulling that over.] True... Though I am not sure what else she may decide warrants a witch curse.